dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
