she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
