420 ftw
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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