Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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