Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Be still, my beating vagina.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
