I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
