WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
