There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
