Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
