I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
