goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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