don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
