dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
