Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
