bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
