i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
