His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i came on her dog
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
