everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
