So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
