What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
