Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
