im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize