i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
