remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
