no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
