All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
