I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
