I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
