I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize