you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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