Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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