i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
