He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
