we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
