Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
