Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
