ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
