I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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