i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
