It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
