i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
