Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
