I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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