I wish my penis had an off switch
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just found puke in my bra..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
