so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
