Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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