Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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