You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
