Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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