Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
