this boner is exhausting
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
