Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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