It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
