I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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