just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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