Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
are you so shy because you have an std?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize