Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
