Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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