Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
