based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
