these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who died my cat blue again?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
