I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
