my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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