we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
