Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
