My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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