some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
