I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
