all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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