Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
